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Probably because I had created some kind of timeline where I imagined that I should have been in a relationship by that point.
To cope with all the hopelessness, bitterness, loneliness, panic, frustration and feelings of failure I was experiencing, I wrote an open letter to my single self.
I look at him sometimes and say, “Why were we both on the same subway car that day? Even though I’m in love, I don’t have single amnesia in the least. I can’t remember who said it now, but a Buddhist philosopher talked about cultivating a lifelong, unconditional friendship with yourself. Sometimes, during my long ass single stretch, I would get jealous watching my friends get snapped up left and right.
I remain strongly connected to the part of me that wrote this letter. It’s National Singles Week — not that I need a holiday to reflect — but it’s just as good a time as any to look back on some of the wisdom I took with me from those eight years I spent with myself, which in the end, I am grateful for. The biggest mistake I was making as a single person was trying to fight against, punish or shame single Ami. People will impose their ideas about relationships upon you … The most annoying part about being single — aside from what an asshole I was to myself about it — was what assholes other people were to me about it. There were times when it seemed like everyone I knew was in love/getting engaged/getting married/having babies. I said this to myself back in 2010, but put that Guns N’ Roses song on repeat because this is key.
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