As news of the Gwyneth Paltrow/ Chris Martin split sinks in, it’s clear which half of the couple will get more press sympathy.
Gwyneth is a Hollywood superstar with a megawatt smile, bewitching charisma, and a figure so perfect it could drive a sculptor mad. Marrying an American can be absolute torture (I have eight years experience and counting).
The idea that their country has a lot of Mexican food because, er … If it is not, the universe is fundamentally misaligned. But at least you don’t have to put up with this ridiculous behaviour anymore. And at all times, one must drown any vestige of reason or logic in one’s head with gallons of kombucha. The word is not in any dictionary, but is written deep inside an American’s heart and soul. As if it’s their birthright to think Spain is part of France. For a nation supposedly all about efficiency, the American way of handling cutlery is enough to drive a decent person mad.
they share a 800 mile border with Mexico, simply does not compute. There is no vaguely hippy “thing”, or laughable spiritual “practice” that an American won’t fall for. Is there any beverage more perfect for the gullible? You can junk all that gong-ringing, yoga-farting, macrobiotic nonsense and get back to your roots: solid English scepticism, served with a Cornish pasty. To an American, if anything vaguely good is happening, one must emit a “woo”. Or a tray of cupcakes successfully made it from the kitchen to a living room table. They don’t hold their fork in their left hand and knife in their right, like any normal human. I bet you dollars to doughnuts – she’ll be American.
The more traditional Latin relationships are based on the young man leaving home to find his way and the young women staying with her family until she moves into her new husband's home.